[video]
Last night we had friends over and they all agreed Wreck-it Ralph wasn’t that great because there weren’t enough other games characters cameos.
I have lost all faith in my stupid friends.
Have a Felix being kinky for his waifu
Oh shoot i did this two days ago and forgot
Have some kawaii Mew
And then i disappeared into the nothingness.
Thank you for the support through messages and sorry for not answering them all. It really feels weird to “make myself” answer people when my head isn’t really there :’D
I was with family for the Shavuot holiday and now i’m in a yucky mood from having to pretend things are fine and dandy. I mean it WAS fun and delicious but it is all about holding back everything inside~
soon thins might get better
I blame both myself and the dude who talked with me on the phone.
Neither one of us asked about the work’s expectation and what i will do there.
anndddd it was a web designer they needed.
I’m gonna watch Paranorman and sob with some rice :’DD
THIS LITTLE MOTHAFUCKER
ヽ(゜Q。)ノ!？
A branding company might want to work with me and gonna meet up with them on Sunday. MY REACTION TO THIS SHIT:
I friggin hate my brain.
And on the same subject, got an appointment in 10 days to see what we can do with my problem. I had enough pressure around me to finally make the call ;n;
ENDLESS TASTE OF BARF IN MY MOUTH
FLAKITTY
Plot thickens!
sssshhhhhh
Haven’t drawn anything for the past 3 days so something for my baby~
( I’m seriously not happy with how it came out but it is late so meh )
Bear chick before bed doodle.
BECAUSE I NEED A BETTER ATMOSPHERE IN HERE HAHA!
Dammit Kappy i wanted to talk about this but you already did and so well..
I indeed suffer from some kind of a lovely depression, a one that comes with terrible stressful and awful thoughts about anything and everything~
When ever i get an Email from someone or a company to do some work with them, i get into a huge stress. My dad always tell me it is a “Good Stress”, which you get from new beginnings of something good.
But i NEVER get good stress… it is ALWAYS a BAD one!
My head is flooded with thoughts about “What about the future and how will i get that work done and OH they want to do some kind of animation too, i ain’t good enough for that oh shit i better just give up now and send them a mail i can’t do it ahhAHHHH ”
Then i sink. Creating this huge bubble of emotions, not talking to anyone about it until a week pass. And then comes the trigger.
The trigger can be anything: Sister calls and say the words “whats up?” or boyfriend asking “how was your day?”
And then it explodes.
AND BOY IT IS MESSY!
I found out it happens almost always in the beginning of the week every 2-3 weeks. Some kind of a wave that start small, get bigger and bigger, EXPLODE IN YOUR FACE and then fade away until the next time.
This is the worst part: You are aware of this whole thing.
I hate it when people tell me “ah but being aware of the problem is one step to get rid of it!”. NOPE. I feel only WORSE knowing what i got yet being unable to avoid it.
You start to feel like some schizophrenic, where your Brain and Body are fighting with each other and you are stuck in the middle:
So while you tell yourself “DUDE relax this is no big deal, you just need to send this Email, they love your stuff!” you brain keep through at you ” IT IS A BIG DEAL, just kill yourself to end this crap, you are gonna fail anyway and be all aloneeee.”
YEAH i know i should go talk with someone and all ( did so in the past ) but i only want to when in down. When I’m ok ( like now ), i just “pshhh no i don’t need anyone, i got stuff to do “.
In this whole connection: I did a series of works i’m going to print and frame and I’m on the search for the past two months for a place to exhibit them. Which means i need to do phone calls, go to places , getting rejected… the whole package of things i just explained how i feel about 8D; Not to mention I’m still not sure about what i want to do with myself and where to live…
I WANT to be a freelance but i also aware to the fact i wasn’t cut out of the material you need to have in yourself to succeed in the art world.
..or at least this is what my brain keep telling me….
…. goddamit….
So for those who asked me what’s going on, this is it~